She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
