You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
