Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
