Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
