Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
