Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
