We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
