he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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