i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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