I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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