guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize