If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
