dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
