She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
