how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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