i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just pee around me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
