It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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