At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
