I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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