Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
