When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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