Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
