my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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