Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
