This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
