I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
