I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
