Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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