Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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