Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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