i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
