OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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