eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
smell my finger.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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