what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We need to rekindle our bromance
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
