You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
