Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize