Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
