I want to walk on stilts...naked
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just pee around me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize