hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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