Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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