I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Randomize