Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
