you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
