he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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