He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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