Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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