Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
