Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
