i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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