Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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