why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
