He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
