is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
