Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
