I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
