I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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