I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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