I am puke
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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