I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize