remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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