Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just found a bag of teeth...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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