he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
