i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
