Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
foreskin is a definite game changer
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
