i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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