FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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