Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
