Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
