i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she smelled like a LAN party
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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