They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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