My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's rum buckets o'clock
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
