i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize