Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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