i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
