I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
