Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
