You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dear god my vagina.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
