he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
