I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
