Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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