He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
