Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize