I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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