im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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