i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
