Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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