I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
