I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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