You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Banned from zoo.
Again?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
