she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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