I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
