even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize