when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
