You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
