That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
