god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just pee around me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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