pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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