I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize