i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
