so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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