She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
