I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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