I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
