i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
