so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
