she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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