Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
