Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
