Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
