my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
