hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My balls are so social today.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
