Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
