I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
