In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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