Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
