Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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