Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
