i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
