dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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