Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
