my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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